


and we did dumb things together

by strawberricream



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Children, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Teasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26472487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberricream/pseuds/strawberricream
Summary: a compilation of headcanons i made on tumblr featuring the hq boyspost-wisdom teeth extractionas non-sexual things that feel sensualwhat they do to make you realize they aren’t into youas mermaids pining after human!readerobvious hints you gave to them that flew right over their headsas sounds their dicks would make each time it became erectthe dumbest thing they've ever done for a girlas communitydisservicesas "don't tell your mom" momentsas gamer boyfriend things
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader, Goshiki Tsutomu/Reader, Hanamaki Takahiro/Reader, Hirugami Sachirou/Reader, Hoshiumi Kourai/Reader, Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader, Kita Shinsuke/Reader, Konoha Akinori/Reader, Kozume Kenma/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Kyoutani Kentarou/Reader, Matsukawa Issei/Reader, Miya Atsumu/Reader, Miya Osamu/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Reader, Sawamura Daichi/Reader, Semi Eita/Reader, Sugawara Koushi/Reader, Suna Rintarou/Reader, Tendou Satori/Reader, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader, Washio Tatsuki/Reader, Yaku Morisuke/Reader
Comments: 71
Kudos: 741





	1. post-wisdom teeth extraction

**Author's Note:**

> based on this req: ur baby posts have me thinking of any haikyuu boy getting their wisdom teeth removed and their gf is with them just video taping the cute and weird things they’re saying like ‘i want u to b my gf🥺’ and readers like ‘hunny💀 i already am’ and they’re like ‘WJATT🥺🥺😻😻🥵🥵🥵😍😍😍🙈🙈😤😤😤😳😳😳😀😀😀😀😀😀’

**kuroo**  
tetsurou wakes up and immediately the first thing he tells the professionals around him is that he wants to see his girlfriend because he knows you’re waiting for him and “I love her so much 🥺🥰" he says it a few more times and everyone laughs at how doped up he is both from the drugs and you. when you walk in to take notes on how to take care of him afterwards, he just stares at you as he holds you hand with the SOFTEST LOOK on his face like 🥺😍☺️❤️💕💖💝🥺🥰💖💝☺️

tetsu cannot stop looking at you and u almost have to plead with him to watch where’s he walking like tetsu pls we don’t wanna have to come back to get your front teeth done sweetie 🅱️lease!!!!!! other than that he is pretty easy to reason with it as long as you promise to kiss every part of his face once in a particular order and if u mess up, unfortunately, you’ll just have to start over again sigh it makes his heart go 💥💥💥

 **bokuto**  
kuroo offers to drive him back home and brings you along to support and comfort him. he helps kou get into the back with you but he refuses and goes “kuroooooo, she’s too pretty, I dun wanna sit next to her ☹️” LMFAO kuroo rolls his eyes and just sits him down and buckles him in despite his protests HA

kou is super nervous and keeps looking over you when he thinks you aren’t looking like 🥺😊 and you decide to play along and ask him how he’s feeling and if he’s in pain and he shakes his head and goes “‘m okay, you’re really pretty though 🥺😍” kuroo snorts in the front seat and you’re trying rlly hard to not laugh at how cute he is so you take his hand and kou lit rally thinks he’s gonna pass out when you call him handsome and ask him out before kissing his cheek. he starts crying as he says things like “kuroo!!!! the pretty girl is my girlfriend now!! 🥺❤️😭💖💕😭😭🥳”

 **akaashi**  
you’re already by his side by the time he wakes up but he doesn’t remember jack so he goes “hello, have u seen my girlfriend? she looks just like you. can u tell me if u see her? I would like to see her—she’s my everything 😊🥰” UGGHH KISS HIIMMM

he doesn’t remember who you are until the medication wears off but you manage to convince him that you’re gonna take him to his girlfriend so you can take him home 💀 and he spends the whole car ride really pretty quiet until you ask him why he’s so fidgety and then he softly tells you “i… can’t wait to see my girlfriend 🥺🥰💕 she said we’d go on an ice-cream date after🍦i hope she’s not mad that it’s been so long 🥺❤️💗” AHDHJANAA like a little happy babyyyy 🥺😭

 **oikawa**  
tooru’s procedure finishes earlier than expected and has a dental hygienist watching over him as they wait for you and for some reason he starts to sing, but it’s really out of tune because of all the cotton in his mouth and the dental hygienist is just standing there, taking it. you can hear him down the hall as you walk into his room and he’s so excited to see you!!! “did you hear me sing for you, babe? i didn’t want you to get lost in this maze 🥺🥰” “yes, i did, tooru, tysm you don’t have to sing anymore 😊😇💕”

tries to pull you into his lap as the dentist goes through the aftercare procedures and whines “pleasssseeeee, it huuurrrrrttttts i just want cuddddlllleesssss 😭☹️🥺💕” you opt to sit on the edge of the chair as he buries his head in your back 🥰

 **iwaizumi**  
YOU try to flirt with hajime because he doesn’t remember that you’re his girlfriend and he’s all like stop!!! i have a girlfriend! 😡 AHAHA so you decide to ask him about his lovely girlfriend and he gets the softest smile on his face omggg and he starts going on about how hardworking you are ❤️, determined 💘, beautiful 💖, how nice you smell 😳

when you tell him its you he doesn’t believe you!!! like stop u r trying too hard, stranger!!! 😠 It’s not until you bring up a photo of yourselves and stick it next to your face does he go all soft again like babe i missed you 🥺 there was this weirdo trying to flirt with me, i’m so glad you’re here 🥰 and you tell him that the weirdo was you and he’s like “no, you’re better than that” LMFAAOO THANKS HAJIME 😭

 **matsukawa**  
his mom is there to pick the two of you up and he’s holding your hand as he turns to you, super concerned and goes “babe, we forgot my teeth 😞” HWJJCKWJSJEF 💀 he’s all pouty and its sooooooo cute LMFAO WHAT DID HE THINK A REMOVAL WAS??? but you play it cool and squeeze his hand and say “i didnt forget you though 😊” he nods like a little kid and says “yeah” and tries to pull you into his lap so that you can cuddle but his mom is right there and you’re tryna be a good passenger and stop him from unbuckling your seatbelt: issei, we can cuddle when we get home!!!!

this giant dude just looks at you all 🥺 and BEGS like “babe please, just a little, i just want to hold you 🥺💕” he tries to guilt trip you like “c’mon, babe, you forgot my teeth” 😭😭😭 STFU u somehow make it back to his place and he tackles you into the couch and promptly falls asleep in 2 minutes flat 😴 his mom thinks its hilarious and thanks u for taking care of him ☺️❤️

 **hanamaki**  
straight up asks you if you have a boyfriend. you say yes and he gets REALLY SAD OH MY GOD and is all “oh ☹️🥺” but then you cup his cheek and hold one of his hands and start telling him what your boyfriend looks like and how he has cute strawberry hair and pretty eyes and how handsome he is and talking about his cute little eyebrows and how good he is at volleyball and takahiro is like…. 🧐🤨 is that…… me??? but then he’s like wait it couldn’t be and gets all sad again 😭

you can’t take how sad he is and tell him it’s him!!!!! you give him some kisses as an apology 😭🥺💖❤️ and he’s all really?!!? 🥰💖💕💝🥳💕as he pulls you close to rest his head on your chest. he asks you to talk about how much you love him again 😭🥰🥺 refuses to remove himself from you

 **kyoutani**  
he’s got this super angry expression on his face and everyone stays a good ways away from him 😬 when you come in, you get the same 😡 but then he chills because you’re wearing that one dress he went out of his way to buy for you when you were window shopping together that one time and he’s like …..suspicious why is she wearing her dress 😒 HAJFKAKSW KENTAROU

but THEN he sees the bracelet he got you for your one year anniversary and takes a whiff of you (um 😷) and NOW he’s all WAIT…… connections r being made—he gets super handsy 😳💕 really likes it when you kiss his forehead 🥺 and glares daggers at the dentist with his head on your chest, arms around your waist as you stand next to him and listen to what the aftercare instructions are because he’s all like grrr my girlfriend!! no touch!!! 😡🤬

 **daichi**  
omg daichi is SO SHY and BASHFUL like he looks at you all 🥺🥰 and when you look towards him he immediately looks away but it’s so obvious because his ears are red and you can see his blush high on his cheekbones 😭🥺💕 you ask him what’s wrong and he’s stuttering trying to ask if you have a boyfriend and you’re like yes 💔

his face FALLS and it hurts but then you show him your matching engagement rings 💍 like “we’re fiancés, dai 🥰❤️” and he almost cries as hard as when he heard you say yes 😭💖💕 he’s so EMBARRASSED when you show the video back to him 😭 suga and asahi clown him 🤧

 **sugawara**  
fella wakes up, looks you in the eye and is like “they’ve rebuilt me, babe✨” what? “the technology!!!” ??? “they made me better than i was before: better, stronger, faster 🤖💪🧠" LMFAO thinks he underwent some experiment like no we just fixed your teeth 😌

when you tell him so he gets a little dejected and asks you if you’d still love him without any upgrades with his lips pursed and his cheeks pink as he plays with your hands 🥺💗 like OFC KOUSHI!!! 🥰🥺❤️ really sweet and giggly on the bus ride home—holds you close and draws circles on your skin as he talks about the strangest things 🙈💖

 **kageyama**  
no inhibitions so tobio is very attached to you!!! when he wakes up to see you next to him, he grabs you in his half-asleep state to leave slobbery kisses all over you like some dog before he falls back asleep again 💀 he wakes up twenty minutes later to see that you’re gone (had to wash off his spit 😬) and he panics when he doesn’t see you 😭🥺

he gets up to try to look for you and the second you come back, he hugs you and is all ☹️ telling you “don’t go too far, i wanna always be able to find you 😠🥺” you rub his back and pinky promise to stay close by and he’s so relieved he falls asleep standing 😴💕 like …..thanks 🤧 asks if he can play volleyball and pouts rlly hard when the dentist says no 😭💔

 **atsumu**  
atsumu is loopy af and he wanted to go to the washroom so the poor staff had to hull around this 6’2”, 80kg man around but then you walk in just as they’re about to turn the corner and the moment he sees you, he’s goes “BABIEEEEE, I loOoove yoU! 😍” in this super adorable, high pitched sing-songy voice and makes OBNOXIOUS kissy faces at you but it looks so funny because his mouth is full of cotton 😭😭🤧🥴 the nurses tell you he’s a keeper but then he promptly slips and nearly falls on his face trying to walk over to you unassisted 🙄

the walk to the car is SO HARD because he clings to you like a baby koala and whines when you try to get him to loosen up so that you can get better leverage to support his weight like atsumu pls we’re almost there, just let go for a bit and he’s all puppy eyed like “don’t 🥺 ya 🥺 love 🥺 me 🥺 baby???????? i jus’ wanna be close to ya 💔💔💔” JAJCJJWNCMS he denies all of it when he sobers up

 **osamu**  
all this fool remembers is that he has a girlfriend and that she looks EXACTLY like you but his brain synapses aren’t working like they used to 😔 so he doesn’t remember that YOU are literally his girlfriend so he just sits there and goes all “you look so much like her….. i miss her sm 😢🤕😞” with this faraway look in his eyes AS IF YOU WERE DEAD 💀 THE DISRESPECT

he rlly wants to hold your hand and touch you but like u aren’t his girlfriend right??? but you tell him u are after rolling ur eyes and show him some photos of the two of you as proof and he’s all “oh!” 😳 and he smiles so broad you can see his little dimple on his left cheek 😭💖 because he can FINALLY hold your hand 🥰 no filter so he whisper-begs for kisses throughout the entire time the dentist talks you through his surgery and how to care for him and you’re so embarrassed JAJCJKAKDSS “pls, pls can i have a kiss” you give him one “can i have one here now” “what about here” “pls another one pls” 🥺🥺🥺 at least he’s polite JAJCNKAFB

 **suna**  
rin remembers you and right when he wakes up to see you next to him he says, “hello, wife 💖" and waits for your response but like wtf do u SAY like you’ve only ever heard him tell you he loves you that ONE time he thought u were ASLEEP!!! and you haven’t even talked about anything beyond dating yet!!! is it the anaesthetic that’s making him say this or is he just fooling you??? 💀😵 a few minutes later, he sighs and goes “you’re supposed to say ‘hello, husband ❤️’….” 🙄🥱

show him the video after the anaesthetic wears off and he’ll sit there looking at you like “….well? i’m still waiting? 😐” ugH modern romance am i right HAHDJKAKSKAA

 **ushijima**  
wakatoshi thinks you’re another nurse even though you’re dressed nothing like them and he asks you when his girlfriend is coming and if she knows he’s done with the procedure and also “have you met my girlfriend? she is very beautiful and very kind. you must meet her ☺️” he asks the same questions to the dentist who comes in to talk to you afterwards and they’re looking at him like ?????? “isn’t this your girlfriend, ushijima-san?”

wakatoshi just goes 😯, looks at you and says your name so softly and in the sweetest way possible and tells you he missed you and he loves you and he wants to go get curry from that one restaurant later and the dentist tells you they’ll be back later as you sob 😭😭❤️💕❤️😭💖

 **semi**  
eita thinks you’re one of the office receptionists when you walk in and asks you if you, his girlfriend 💕, had been notified that the procedure was done and you’re all uh yes she does, she’s coming soon!! he nods very cutely and thanks you, handsome smile on his face at the thought of seeing you 🥰 he turns around to look at the window and you just stand there all 😶 he HUMS softly as he waits and it’s that one song he played for you on his guitar HAJXNJSW 😭🥺💘❤️

he turns back around thirty seconds later like “babe?? is that you?? you got here so fast 😍🥺💖😚” as if it wasn’t you THE WHOLE TIME 💀 melts when you kiss his cheeks tenderly 🥰 plays with your fingers as he softly looks into your eyes!! 😍

 **tendou**  
really wants to get his wisdom teeth back like just because you pulled them out doesn’t make them yours, sensei 🙄 LMFAO the dentist gives him his teeth afterwards and he holds them out for you and you’re like “tysm for your bloody, gross teeth, satori 🥰😬” “AWWW you’re welcome 😊 aren’t they cute? ya think our kids will be this cute? 💖”

many thoughts: 1) oh god oh GOD he wants to have KIDS WITH YOU!! MARRIAGE??!? 😵❤️ 2) y does he think his molars r cute and y does he hope your kids will look like nasty teeth 😭💀 he’s rlly adamant about you lazing around with him. keeps showing u his teeth for some reason but gives the cutest smiles and hums when you feed him his fav chocolate ice cream 💗💗💗

 **goshiki**  
he tries to flirt with you but its so funny and endearingly awkward because he’s got all the gauze in his mouth and he isn’t that good at it and he’s on the verge of tears half the time and you dont know why??? you ask him and his brows are all furrowed, pout on his lips and says “just wanna be your boyfriend pls 🥺💕” “yeah?” “yeah,” he nods. “i promise to do my best 🥺”  
when you tell him you’re already dating, he starts to cry and is all like i have to tell all my friends 😭 tsutomu cries to the dentist like “sensei, y’know, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend 😭❤️” he quiets down when you brush through his hair with your hands ☺️

 **terushima**  
you walk into his room after he’s done and ask the dental hygienists how he’s doing and he looks at you all confused like 🤨 and asks the hygienists who you are. they think you’re married for some reason and say “that’s your wife!” and you’re so EMBARRASSED but also super happy on the inside HAHA he straight up goes “DAAAMMNNN, I did alright, huh?! when we bustin’ outta here?!” 🤪😜🥴😘 as if he could actually differentiate between left and right, up and down 😔

just in case, he asks you if you’re his wife at the same time the dentist asks if the two of you will be okay from here on out and you nod to the dentist’s question but yuuji thinks it’s for him so he lays back down with this satisfied look on his face like HELL YEAH alright, alright, alright 😌🥰🥴 and does those little nods SIDJAJJDJSJFJR HAHAHAHA

 **sakusa**  
omi lets you play with his bangs and hands as you wait for the dentist and he LOVES IT softest smile on his face!! RIDICULOUSLY CLINGY!!!! he does NOT want you to leave him at all, will not let you go to the bathroom even though you’re like “omi, please, the dentist is busy with another patient right now, i’ll be back soon before we go through the aftercare stuff” “no” “omi, i have to pee” “do it here” and now it’s you who’s all 🤢

gets really defensive and protective when the dentist comes in and just shoves his head in your chest because he doesn’t want to look at them LMFAO death grip around your waist 🤧 when you show him what he said about you going to the bathroom he demands you delete it “omi, i didn’t know u loved me that much 🥰🥺💕” “…………..🤐”

 **hoshiumi**  
kourai insisted he was fine on his own “nothing is impossible for hoshiumi kourai, national athlete 😤” when the dentist asked if he needed someone to watch over him and the dentist is 🤨 ok sir and leaves after he falls asleep. when he wakes up, no one’s in his room and he has to use the washroom and he’s like i’ll do just it myself 🙄 he tries to stand and promptly collapses to the floor. he CRAWLS around on his stomach and makes it out of his room just as you walk in and you’re like KOU whY are you on the FLOOR like a ROACH 😭😭😭

it’s like you’re reenacting some dramatic romance movie as kou groans around the gauze and makes poor attempts to stand up, holding onto you LAKDSHLASKAHD 💀💀💀 asks you to get on the floor with him because he honest to god can’t get UP so that he can cuddle with you as the dentist and his assistants stand two feet away 🥰💕 tries to fight the staff when they get too close to you trying to help him get back to his bed HAJJFKAKDMAD

 **extra: kita shinsuke (lol)**  
when kita finishes his wisdom tooth extraction, he looks at you like this and doesnt remember who you are; he thinks you’re here for another patient and doesn’t say a word to you because his grandma taught him not to talk to strangers.


	2. hq boys as non-sexual things that feel sensual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> featuring the boys pining/thirsting over the reader. prompts taken from [this askreddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/hzzxrf/what_nonsexual_thing_feels_very_sexual/).

**bokuto: certain phrases are very sexually charged; “make me,” or “what are you gonna do about it”**  
lunch time!! bokuto comes back from the cafeteria with his pork-cutlet sandwich to see you engaged in a card game with three other people. He sees that everyone’s bet something and you bet a strawberry danish you bought this morning and bokuto’s eyes go 🤩 he forces himself in LMFAO and makes sure to sit next to you 🥰❤️ in the end, it’s only you and him left (konoha and komi come over from their classes to see what all the fuss is about and they’re like …..how is bokuto doing so well 😶)

but you win and steal his sandwich on the desk 😈 he tries to defame you for cheating lol but all you do is look at him coyly like “and what are you gonna do about it, bokuto-kun? 😇” and suddenly his tongue feels heavy and his cheeks flush and he’s all 🥺👉👈 he asks you for the bread back because its his only lunch 😭💀 but he ends up winning sm more because you offer to share your bento with him and his heart goes 🥰💖💞

 ** ** **akaashi: sitting next to someone and your shoulders/thighs touch**  
****it’s the sports festival!! and it’s lunch break. he spots you sitting on a bench and he starts sweating at the idea of sitting next to you but he wants to be near you somewhat because then MAYBE you’ll talk to him??!? hopefully 🥺💔

he swallows his nerves and sits on the bench too but on the other side with a huge gap between you and your friend. he pulls out his phone to look “busy” LMFAO then, more of your friends come over and suddenly, you’re snug against him, your BARE THIGH touching his because you’re both in shorts and akaashi thinks he gonna pass out with the bashful apology you give him 😵 he thanks every deity he can think of that your friends came over and STAY because your leg is still touching his and he’s holding a conversation with you 😭🥺🥳💕💖❤️😍

 ** ** **konoha: having someone use your keyboard standing up while you’re sitting in front of it**  
****you’re in one of the school’s computer labs working on a research essay. akinori sits next to your station, having worked up the courage earlier to ask you if you could help him with his. he sneaks glances at you at the printers as you refill the trays with more paper 👀 he blushes even though you aren’t even doing anything to him 😭😔💔

before he can stop himself, he calls your name lmfao 🗣 but manages to save himself from utter embarrassment by asking you to look over one of his passages. coming over, you lean over him, hands on his keyboard as he leans back. his eyes are wide and cheeks ruddy as he tries so hard to keep cool because you’re so close 😍🥺💕 and god does he hope what he wrote was coherent because he thinks he’d d-word if you said it made no sense 😓😵

 ** ** **kuroo: when you’re sitting next to someone and they lean over and reach across you to grab something**  
****another day, another group project. kuroo gets added to a group with you and another guy because he was absent for volleyball. the two of you push your desks next to him and he’s fist pumping internally because you’re sitting next to HIM and not the other guy and he gets to act as the barrier AHAHAH 😇🥳😛

you’re working together when you ask one of your friends to pass over the notes she took from you. she’s sitting in front of kuroo, but diagonally to the right so she leans back and you lean forward to grab the papers. your arm accidentally brushes his chest and kuroo short circuits 😶 you’re SO CLOSE and your body is nearly laid over his entire desk and if he moves his hands up he could probably touch your chest HJAKHSDLKASD 👁👄👁 the guy next to him looks at him all 😐 as kuroo goes INSANE 🤯

 ** ** **kita: hugging from behind**  
****he’s home alone, studying in the living room for his university exams. you’re in the kitchen with his grandma helping her with tonight’s dinner. he smiles softly to himself hearing the two of you laugh 😊🥰💞

he’s halfway through a derivatives question when you hug him from behind, arms coming around him as you rest your head on his shoulder blades 🥺💘 when you softly tell him dinner is almost ready, his chest warms and a soft smile appears on his face ❤️💖

 ** ** **atsumu: the guys strapping you in on a roller coaster. are we gonna kiss? why are you giving me that eye contact?**  
****inarizaki’s vbc get together to go to the local amusement park!! they get in and the first thing the twins want to do is ride all of the roller coasters so after a ridiculously long line up, atsumu’s sitting next to osamu, waiting for an attendant to come buckle them in, when you suddenly come up in your cute uniform and hair tied up and atsumu’s like SHIT ITS YOU 😳 also damn y didn’t you tell him you worked here he could have gotten discounted tickets smh 🥴😒

anyways you come up to them to buckle them up with him first and he doesn’t really notice anything but you buckle the first strap really tight and he’s like “does it need to be so tight 😘” and you tell him, making eye contact, using your best customer service voice (vocal bottoming but at least you get paid) and with a pretty smile on your face that doesn’t reach your eyes, “yes, unless you want to die. and if you do, don’t do it on this ride because my shift ends in ten minutes and i don’t want to stay here to write a report about a dumbass who ko’d on a roller coaster 🥰” and he BLUSHES oop— 👁👅👁

 ** ** **osamu: having your back scratched**  
****you sit next to each other in class and it’s self study time and you’re helping him with the english homework that was assigned when his back starts feeling itchy. he rolls and moves his shoulders to try to alleviate it, but it just isn’t working so he brings a hand back to scratch at it, but he’s not flexible enough to reach it 😔 you ask him what’s wrong and he puts his arm down like he got burned because he doesn’t want to be seen doing something weird in front of you or making a weird face so he just says nothing but you raise a brow and go “are you itchy?” and he nods JAJCKKAD

you bring your arm up to where he was just scratching, “here?” a shake of his head, “no, a little to the right.” AND YOU SCRATCH RIGHT AT IT!!!!! he can feel his shoulders slump as he closes his eyes and groans a little WHOOP he’s SUPER EMBARRASSED but you just laugh it off and scratch him some more before going back to work and he looks at you like 🥺💖 why’d you stop?? even though you’re not even looking at him LOL 😞 touches his back that night in the shower like your hands were so small 😯😍😳 and maybe he should be itchy more often but it also quickly turns to she better not be touchy feely with anyone else 😒

 ** ** **suna: someone writing on your arm**  
****he’s forced to take this one evening class this semester because it’s not offered the next one and he needs to take it because it’s a prereq for almost every other course ugh but at least the cute girl who sits next to him lets him copy her notes LMFAO 😭💀 he left all his belongings in the gym’s lockers because he was going to go back anyways for practice so when the professor gives out a code for a free trial of the software they have to use for the homework assignment due in a week, he’s like shit; he left his phone in his bag 🤡💔

you offer to write it down on his arm, grabbing a pen from your pencil case. he nods like sure why not so you take his arm and push the sleeve of his hoodie up and start writing and he just stares at you 👀 your writing is cute and he kinda likes the feel of your hands on him 🤧 class ends and you part ways with a wave. It’s not until he’s reached the gym that he realized you could have just messaged the code to him on facebook 🤨 so he pushes his sleeve up and sees your phone number on his arm under the code 😘 aren’t you smooth!!! 😌

 ** ** **iwaizumi: when someone is putting the car in reverse and they put their hand on the back of your seat**  
****iwaizumi been interested in you for a while, and ever since he came to the revelation he finds it really hard to talk to you because he’s afraid of coming off too aggressive or you figuring it out 😔💔 good thing kindaichi reveals that you’re his older cousin and that you’ll be driving some of them to their next practice match because the volleyball team’s bus is out for a checkup!! 😍😘 oikawa, matsukawa and hanamaki all force him to sit shotgun as you drive (even kunimi and yahaba get in on it). iwaizumi grumbles about it and all but he’s secretly super happy he gets to be right next to you omg 👀😭 he takes a bunch of glances around the interior of your (parents’) car and sits a little straighter than he usually would.

he can feel the stares on the back of his head from the other third years egging him on to make a move and just when he works up the nerve to say something to you, you put the car in reverse to back out the parking spot and put your hand on the back of his seat 😳😤 iwaizumi thinks you look so cool AND HOT he clams up and just stares at you with his jaw slightly open 👁👄👁 💕pls save him 🤧

 ** ** **matsukawa: when a girl puts her hand up to yours and remarks on how yours is so much bigger**  
****you got randomly paired up with each other to do a presentation for your world history class and so you’re sitting next to each other on a saturday afternoon at the public library doing research together. matsukawa spent more time than he would like thinking about what to wear because he doesn’t want you to think that his fashion sense was as grotesque as the school’s khaki pants 😷🤢 (when you complimented him nonchalantly about how he looks a million times better in casual clothes compared to the school uniform and joking said that he should start a petition to get rid of the school’s ugly khaki plaid pants and skirts and use a photo of what he was wearing today as the main piece of evidence, he almost doubles over 💀)

you’re sitting next to each other and he’s still kinda reeling from the previous interaction ahjdalhd but he does his best to pull his weight. he’s taking notes in a notebook and you look over and comment out of the blue that his hands are really big as you look at yours 🤧👀 he blinks and looks at you like “yeah?” and you nod, putting your hand up and he does it too because he thinks he’s having a fever dream at this point, but not even in his wildest dream did he’’d ever think you’d push your palm against his and say “your hand is so big! 😳” he has to excuse himself to go to the washroom to scream 😘🥰❤️

 ** ** **hanamaki: when you’re sitting next to someone on public transport and the centrifugal force from the vehicle firmly mooshes the two of you together**  
****hanamaki pines for you silently and you can’t really tell he likes you because he’s pretty decent at keeping his emotions hidden. or maybe you’re just so busy with your senior year you don’t notice anything that isn’t the impending doom of university applications and keeping your grades up 😤😇 anyways the two of you get on and off at the same stop each day (which he secretly thanks god for 😭) and you’re sitting next to each other and hanamaki thinks he’s gonna combust because you’ve never been this close!! 🥺🥰

he can feel his hands getting sweaty already. hanamaki sneaks glances at you and tries to see what you’re doing on your phone LMFAO suddenly, the train lurches a bit and you slide from the inertia right into his side and then he can feel the warmth coming from your thighs, side and your shoulder are touching holy sh— 😭❤️😵👀💖 you look up to apologize as he takes a breath and you’re a little shy in your apology but he takes that chance to ask you about something mundane and he makes you laugh!!!! he thinks about the interaction for the next two weeks because he finally got to talk to you dhaskld ☺️🥺💕

 ** ** **kyoutani: when anyone raises their arms to stretch and their shirt gets lifted up slightly******  
gym class—you’re doing timed runs today!! kyoutani is already finished with his so he’s just sitting off the side of the track, staring not-so-subtly at you but you don’t notice because it’s your turn next!! you’ve got the typical school mandated shorts and plain t-shirt on but kyou is all 👀 at your tastefully exposed skin. he thinks you look pretty with the sun hitting your face as you give a smile to your friend, squinting at the sun light 🥰

he’s just mindlessly staring at this point but then you raise your arms to stretch your triceps and the hem of your shirt rises up a little to expose the tiniest sliver of skin before it’s covered again 👁👁 his cheeks pink a little and you catch him looking LMFAO but you don’t think anything of it and just smile and wave as kyoutani burns bright red, heart battering against his ribs and looks away 😡🤡🥰💕 he saves it for future reference HURDURDUR 😇😛

 ** ** **ushijima: when a woman does that thing where she tucks her hair behind her ear while making direct eye contact******  
ushijima is INTERESTED in you, likes you, is intrigued, would like to hold your hand and rub the back of your hand and feel the soft skin with his thumb—same thing 🥰 you’re talking to him about something for the cultural festival and he’s nodding along to what you’re saying because you’re so brilliant and responsible for working on the school festival committee wOW 🤩

time seems to move in slow motion as you look up him whilst tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. he zones in on the shy smile on your face, your cute cheeks, glossy lips and pretty eyes 🥺🥰 “ushijima-san?” “yes?” “what do you think?” “that’s a great idea, I will ask my team members for their input as well.” you nod exuberantly even though he has no idea what you’re talking about but your cute smile makes him all mushy on the inside 💖💕

 ** ** **semi: making eye contact with another customer at the grocery store around the same age******  
it’s 2:11pm on a tuesday and semi’s at the grocery store because it’s summer and his mom was all “go to the store and buy these shimeji mushrooms for me, eita, they’re on sale!!! but only until 3pm so get skedaddling!” 😩 so he’s here and he swears housewives are the most powerful people on the planet because he thought he was gonna d-word just tryna get his discount mushrooms. he spots you in the condiments aisle looking at sesame oil and he gives you the up, down and lingers a little too long on your exposed legs 💀

he thinks you look really cute in your t-shirt and jean shorts though 🥰 when you look up and make eye contact with him and give him a little smile and wave he BLUSHES 🥺 and is right about to take the chance to talk to you but a granny hip checks him trying to get to the soybean paste and he almost trips and lands on his face 😔💔 so much for looking cool in front of you 😢🥺

 ** ** **tendou: having someone else play with your hair******  
satori sees you on cleaning duty carrying the recycling to the bins as he finishes his runs around the school, about to make a turn to the gyms. he makes a beeline for you, calling your name with a bright smile on his face and waving his arms in the air. 🥰💞🥺

he bounds up to you and offers to help even though the bin is really light, cheeks warming at your smile 😊 when he takes the bin out of your hands , you wave your hand to get him to bend down. he complies, eyes widening when he feels your hand in his hair. he straightens up to see you holding onto a couple pieces of cherry blossom petals 🌸 he laughs bashfully; it feels like time has slowed and you’re the only two people in the world 💖💕

 ** ** **sakusa: if you’re on a pc/laptop, somebody leaning over your shoulder to look at the screen with you. the close proximity of your faces can feel awkwardly sexual**  
****you’re in the same kinesiology class and sakusa first noticed how GOOD your presentations are wtf and he’s even more impressed when he hears that you winged the whole thing because “i conveniently forgot about this until one in the morning when I decided it was a good time to reorganize your entire dorm room” ALSO you offered him hand cream the one time you caught him staring and against all reason he said yes and ever since he’s been dying to ask you where you got it from because HOLY was it nice 😍

you get paired up for the final pair presentation and he’s only become more interested in you! you’re easy to talk to and don’t pry too much and he finds himself oversharing at times 💀 the professor gives the class part of the lecture time to work on the projects so you’re sitting next to each other working when he asks you a question about the academic article he just found and you lean over his shoulder to look at his screen 👁👁 for anyone else, the close proximity of your faces would have grossed him out but he can’t stop thinking about how good you smell and how cute your ears look 👀🥰 when you tell him he’s found a really good source with an excited smile on your face, he BLUSHES and promptly wants to pass away because he has no mask on to cover him 🤡😭😵

 ** ** **sachiro: when you have a melting popsicle, there often comes a time where you must choose between eating it too quickly, or sucking it off so it doesn’t drip on you**  
****sachiro hums happily, holding your hand as the two of you walk home after your date and stopping at the convenience store where he buys the two of you popsicle sticks 😋

you’re talking about something funny you saw hoshiumi do in the class the other day when your popsicle drips onto you. you kitten lick at your hand and take the whole thing in your mouth to get rid of the more liquidy parts of your ice cream and sachiro is all 👁👄👁 he swallows thickly, cheeks warming and heart beating a little faster; why’s he suddenly so thirsty? 🥵💦🙈

 ** ** **gao: getting a strong whiff of somebody’s perfume when they pass you**  
****gao really wants to talk to you, like really really wants to talk to you 😖😭🙏 but you’re talking to your friends about something and the cute way you laughs and joke with them has him all 🥺🥰🤩

he’s about to walk up and join the conversation because let’s face it, gao isn’t afraid of much 🤧💀 too bad the teacher calls you back into the classroom about something. when you pass him, he gets a good whiff of your shampoo and his stomach flutters 😍😊🥺💕💖 follows you with sparkly eyes and wishes he made the choice to talk to you sooner 💔

 ** ** **futakuchi: bending over to pick up something you dropped**  
****kenji is watching (glaring) as you talk to one of the baseball team’s starting players 🤐 he’s so ticked but he doesn’t admit it like where does this guy get off making you laugh and smile like that wtf 😒🙄 luckily for kenji, the guy gets pulled away by the class rep for something so kenji calls your name to get you to look at him instead 😤

you come over and just as he’s about to stand up from his desk, he knocks over his eraser. you crouch down to pick it up and he finds himself really liking it 👁👁 he doesn’t get it either 🤡 like you aren’t bending and snapping—just folding your knees to get his eraser for him, but the way you tucked your hair behind your ear before you bent down so prettily has him ☺️😉🥵

 ** ** **terushima: when you’re eating and chatting with someone and they lick their lips**  
****yuuji pulled you away from your friends when it was time for lunch, wanting to spend more time with you one on one. he was so busy with volleyball and school lately 😞 and when he managed to get you to tell him how lonely you felt without him, he made it his mission to spend more time with you!!! 🥰😘💕

you’re eating together, sharing food and talking about everything and anything when he notices you lick your lips; he zones in on your little pink tongue as it swipes across your bottom lip 👁👁 “yuuji, you okay?” a hand on your cheek and suddenly, he’s kissing you. he tastes like the leftovers your mom packed you for lunch 🥰😋


	3. what they do to make you realize they aren’t into you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by [this reddit thread.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/i89nk6/guys_what_made_you_realize_this_girl_is/?sort=top)

**sachiro** : you give him your number on a slip of paper at work and he hands it right back and says “we talk at work all the time so let’s keep doing that”

 **sawamura, gao** : you set up a date together. he stands you up. when you asked him about it, he simply says he forgot.

 **matsukawa, tsukishima** : you ask if he wants to grab lunch together some time. he says he’s busy that day which is interesting since you didn’t specify a day.

 **terushima** : goes on a date with you only to say it sucked/was boring and doesn’t follow up.

 **bokuto** : you ask him to go to a work event/a dance together. he says yes but when the two of you get there he ditches you to hang out with other people or someone else he likes.

 **kuroo, kita** : you stop texting first and realize that he never texts you for like three days; it was totally one sided.

 **atsumu, daishou** : they really only talk to you when they need something.

 **oikawa** : actually there are pretty clear signals that he is. until one day he just stops replying to your texts and pointedly starts ignoring you. you don’t get it.

 **iwaizumi, konoha** : says “i’m not ready to be in a relationship” and then proceeds to get into a relationship. he just left the “with you” part out.

 **suna, osamu, ushijima, kageyama, hanamaki** : he gives you closed responses when asked questions that could easily lead to more conversation.

  * **suna** ends every conversation with “lol”
  * **osamu** just stops replying or leaves you on read
  * **ushijima, kageyama** reply very curtly with just saying “yes”, “no”, “not really” and never ask for your opinion/about you in general
  * **hanamaki** goes for the “haha” “😂” “true”, any one word response really




	4. mermaid!hq boys pining after human!reader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pining, one-sided love, a touch of angst.

**kuroo  
**the tides came fast, waves swallowing you into the depths of the ocean as your lungs ran out of air and you struggled to find purchase with the strong waves. tetsurou, strong and fast, darts to you immediately and brings you up to the surface, underneath the docks where the sail boats are. you desperately gasp for air and his eyes widen, muscles tightening at the fact that you’re still conscious.

gasping, you thank him with a bright, albeit shaky smile, slumping against him in exhaustion as the fear and adrenaline leave your body. he replies numbly. the sky is dark and the sea rumbles with anger. when your breath ghosts his neck asking for his name, eyelashes fluttering to look up at him, chest to chest, he swears he sees the sun amidst storm clouds.

 **bokuto**  
koutarou always gets too close for comfort—the elders are always warning him about the humans, but he can’t help himself. you and your friends are always here by the shore: surfing, swimming, cleaning up the shoreline. you lose your bracelet swimming one day and bokuto finds it. he wants to return it to you so bad, to get a chance to interact with you, to see you smile at him and hug him the way you do with your friends. he wonders what you’d think of him and whether you’d love him as wholly as he does you.

 **akaashi**  
sometimes he wants to conjure up a great big storm. send your boat toppling over and you into the ocean so that he’d be able to have you in his arms for once. but he doesn’t. he knows that taking you away from the home you’ve built and the people you love would ruin what he finds so beautiful about you. curses the fact that he has fins and considers going to the sea witch for legs just to get a sliver of a chance of you falling in love with him.

 **konoha  
**akinori thinks it’s funny to pull on your hook whenever you go out fishing with your uncle and his friends. you always pull it up to see nothing or a piece of trash hanging off of it. your uncle and his friends think it’s hilarious to see you pout. it’s the highlight of their days really, to see what weird, non-fish thing you pull up next. your cousins get a good laugh in too. but one day, akinori pulls too hard and you fall over the edge of the boat, tumbling into the sea. he doesn’t think its funny anymore, face to face with your mortality and fragility as a human. he helps you swim towards the surface and makes sure you get back on board safely.

the next time you’re out fishing, akinori places a gold trinket he found at the bottom of a ship wreck onto your hook. he watches the way your face lights up and how everyone crowds around you. you spot him looking at you in the corner of your eye. he sinks into the ocean, cheeks feeling a little more warm than they usually are.

 **daichi  
**he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of looking at you. you’re the local lifeguard, perched on your tall, tall seat as you watch over fellow beach goers on your tower. you’re beauty and strength all in one and he can’t stop admiring you from his little spot far in the ocean. he likes it best when he sees you alone on the beach in the early hours of the morning as you get ready for the day. maybe one day, one day, he’ll find the courage to get closer. suga was always telling him to “live a little, daichi! she’s a lifeguard isn’t she? then all the more reason to do so!!!” the beach is quiet. you’re dipping into the water for a quick swim. he swims too.

 **sugawara**  
you’re always sitting on the dock, each saturday morning. and you sing, sing so ethereally to the sea, to the ocean, maybe to a lover. he wonders who you’re thinking about as you carol with such a soft expression on your face. the loose strands of hair from your ponytail dance across your cheeks with your melody and koushi wishes he could do the same with his fingers. but he settles for floating under the dock, watching your legs sway as he tries to see the beauty in the sea, tries to see what you see in the lonely, cold, unforgiving ocean.

 **iwaizumi  
**hajime’s watched you grow up. your parents loved the ocean and rented out a summer house each year for the quiet part of the beach he frequented. when you were younger, the two of you would swim together—you’d see his tail and you thought it was beautiful, really cool!! but as you got older, your tailed friend stopped showing up and your stories of him were always brushed off as imagination, fantasies, _lies_. you’re not lying.

sometimes you think you can see him watching you. he does. he _still_ does. he wishes he could be on land with you, but he’s scared of you being scared of him, of breaking his heart. so he settles to watch you far away, breaking his heart himself.

 **matsukawa**  
issei like to follow your boat whenever you sail out to sea. sometimes you have friends, sometimes family—he likes it best when it’s just you. he watches you and feels his chest tighten and mouth dry each time you look out at the sea so longingly, so beautifully. (he wishes it was him you were looking at.) he swims right up to your boat sometimes to listen to your voice and gets sad when you start to sail back to land but always makes sure to watch over you.

 **hanamaki  
**takahiro made a trade with the witch; legs for his voice, pins and needles as he walks. it’s near excruciating and he’s starting to regret it. but as he watches you flit around the seaside restaurant and jovially take orders as he works in the kitchen, he can’t really be mad. he doesn’t know if you’ll fall in love with him, just wants to spend time with you and be near you. you communicate through pen and paper and most of the air is filled with your pretty voice when you take him around town. the moon seems to taunt him with its phases but the feeling of your hand in his and the excited smile on your face seeing him try your food triumphs the taunts.

he thinks he’ll be fine if you don’t return his feelings, least he’ll turn into foam knowing he got to spend time with you, love you in his own way. but he can’t tell if he’s crying from the pain in legs or the fact that he only has three nights left. “takahiro!” he turns around. his legs hurt, knees buckle. you brush at the tears on his face. “could—,” you swallow. “could i tell you something?” the pain in his legs disappear.

 **atsumu**  
he always think you look so beautiful surfing. you’ve got that gorgeous, excited gleam in your eyes as you ride the waves. no matter how many times you flip over, you’re always ready to try, try again. it makes him wish he had legs so that he could join you. he always gets too close—hell, he’s spoke to you and complimented you. you thought he was just another swimmer as you sat on your board as he floats beside you. he cherishes those little moments.

“ya look so cool doin’ all that. where’dya learn it all from?” you smile, “myself!” the next time you come, you give him a matching bracelet. “it’s my good luck charm. come surf with me one day?” he nods, bright smile on his face. the seaweed covering the sea witch’s cave flutters to the sides of the opening.

 **osamu  
**he too likes to watch over you. you come out on your boat often, singing and playing your instruments. sometimes you’re just here for the sake of it, enjoying the silence with some snacks and your own company. osamu likes to call the dolphins and have them jump around, performing a little show as you look out in awe and smile so beautifully at the scene. you pull out your phone this time, delighting in following them jump and swim. then the camera lands on him. the ocean goes quiet again. your face stills. time does too. what does he do?

 **ushijima  
**the ocean is vast, cold, but wakatoshi has gotten used to it. he leaves the palace whenever he can, too stifled to stay any longer and swims up to shore. you’re here each friday evening with your art supplies. wakatoshi wonders what you’re drawing. he’s envious that you’re so carefree, so beautifully content as you sit in the sun and doodle as you please. whenever you look out into the ocean, he always flinches a little, thinks you might have spotted him. one day, he finds a glass bottle. he swims up to the surface to avoid damaging the contents inside. pulling out the rolled sheet of paper, it’s a drawing of him. shivers run up his spine as the beauty and realism of it all. now how will he return the favour?

 **semi**  
he made the switch for human legs last week, but your brother seems to be more interested in him than you are. he sighs, heart heavy. though you always have the patience to teach them things around the house; you were just a bit wary of the stranger your brother picked up the other day. it’s okay—eita still has the rest of the month left. like how you work so patiently with him, he’ll give you the same care, spending what time he has for you, asking nothing in return. 

you grow attached to the silent, ashen hair man who brings you pretty seashells from the shore each morning and makes you burnt pancakes and clumsily sliced apples. you get used to it, to him. what’s the feeling bubbling up in your chest though?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote a short one shot for ushijima [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471965/chapters/64506091).


	5. obvious hints you gave to the hq boys that flew right over their heads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taken from this [reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/a00sog/women_of_reddit_what_are_some_obvious_hints_that/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)!!

**bokuto** : you’re watching some movie together and he’s joking around and saying things like “i could do that!! 😁" to make you laugh. when the kissing scene comes on, you get up close to his face and snuggle into him asking, “can you do _that_ 😳?” he turns to you, “man, i don’t know, i might have to practice 🤔" and then goes back to watching the movie. doesn’t realize what you meant until he texts the whole thing to the vbc chat and konoha roasts him 🤕💔

 **oikawa** : you throw your panties at him but he just catches them and continues explaining the defensive strategy the home team used for the volleyball match he was just watching 😔😔😔

 **kuroo** : he’s so self-aware, he isn’t. he’s walking home with you one evening and mentions to you that he’s quite oblivious when a girl likes him. he tells you “a girl could smack me on the head and i wouldn’t realize she was into me 😞” so you smack him upside on the back of his head and all he says is “ow! what the heck was that for?!?” god tetsu get a grip 🙄🤕

 **yaku (for all the tall girls out there)** : he tells you, “i really wanna try to sleep with a tall girl, see how it’s like.” you give him your height and he just goes, “nah, i was thinking about 7 feet 🤔” it still haunts him to this day 😩😢👻

 **iwaizumi** : you’re sitting with him and a bunch of other guys at lunch saying, "if i was to get with anyone, it would be you” as you shyly look him in the eye. everyone goes quiet as he blushes and says “that’s really nice, thanks 😊” doesn’t ask you out until two weeks after when he finally realizes what you really meant 💀💀💀

 **hanamaki** : you’re texting him and telling him you just bought a vibrator for when he’s not with you or whatever. his exact response is, "oh cool, what colour?” you send him a pic of it and he replies with “can you put it up your butt too? 👁👁” you text back with a "come over and find out 💕” two minutes later, all you get is a “s’good, i just googled it” 😐😐😐

 **ushijima** : you text him "i want you” he responds with "good to know,” and goes back to what he’s doing 😭😭🤡💀

 **kita** : you’re all glammed up to go somewhere. when he walks out in his suit, you tell him how good he looks and that “it would look better on the floor 😉" he looks at you with a small frown saying “that would wrinkle the suit ☹️" rip 💔

 **osamu** : you suggest taking a shower together, using the classic “to save water 💦” excuse. his response? “why? we don’t pay for water 🤨” because it’s already included in your rent 😪😐

 **suna** : you have a conversation with him about not being obvious enough when trying to initiate sex, so that night you decide to entice him by posing naked on the corner of the bed and saying “hey, you 🥰" as he walks in the room. his reaction? he walks in, gives you a bro nod and says, “hey, gotta shit 💩✌️” you do not end up having sex that night 😔🚫⏸

 **daichi** : after chatting for hours on top of a mountain from sunset until like 2am, sharing a blanket, you leaning your head on his shoulder, telling him he’s attractive, etc. he turns to you and says, “how do you tell if a girl is into you?” 🙃🆘

 **kageyama** : he asks what you want to do tonight. you tell him “you 😘” he doesn’t seem to register what you say and simply smiles and tells you “we should go to that all-you-can-eat restaurant” 🤧🍽

 **gao** : you’re modeling clothes you plan to take on vacation with him. after a couple of outfits, you tell him to close his eyes and get changed into lingerie. he opens his eyes when you tell him to, asking him what he thinks about it. his jaw drops and he just goes, “you can’t wear that outside!!! 🥺☹️” you put your clothes back on 🤐🤡📉📉


	6. hq boys as sounds their dicks would make each time it became erect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if their dicks made a sound everytime it got erect, what would it sound to be like?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taken from this [reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ikmh52/if_your_dick_made_a_sound_everytime_it_got_erect/?sort=top) and added some of my own.

**hinata, lev** : the sound mario makes when he jumps

 **bokuto, iwaizumi, aone** : a lightsaber igniting

 **ushijima, daichi, akaashi** : windows 95 startup sound

 **oikawa, tendou** : the noise a foot long plastic ruler makes when you hang it over the edge of a table, twang it, and pull it back

 **kuroo, suna, konoha** : slide whistle

 **osamu, komori** : that “doinngg” sound in cartoons when a character comes to a sudden halt and vibrates like a tuning fork

 **sakusa, hoshiumi** : scooby doo’s “ruh-roh”

 **terushima, gao** : the “beroing-oing” sound coiled doorstoppers make when you hit them

 **matsukawa, ennoshita, semi, washio** : the “dun dun” from law and order

 **yaku, futakuchi, sachiro** : the sparkle sound that team rocket makes when they get blasted off into space

 **kageyama, tsukishima, kenma** : the sympathetic awe from a studio audience

 **kita, sugawara, kyoutani** : the bell at the start of a boxing match

 **hanamaki, atsumu, goshiki** : scared patrick going wee-woo! wee-woo!


	7. hq boys and the dumbest thing they've ever done for a girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taken from [this reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/bogywr/guys_who_did_something_stupid_for_a_girl_what_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)!!

**atsumu** : you’re all sitting on the gym floor listening to the pe teacher say his thing before he announces that you’re gonna be playing dodgeball for class today. his eyes light up and he catches you in the corner of his eye so he gets up and tries to pull his sweatpants off while yelling “LET’S DO THIS! 😤” …ends up yanking off everything, boxers and all 🤡🤡🤡

 **osamu** : ate a whole lemon. seeds and peel and all 😋

 **suna** : he gives you his rare charizard pokemon card, but you don’t know it’s rare and valuable so the card gets bent and disrespected 🙃

 **oikawa** : he knows he’s gonna fail this university class (it’s fine, just some stupid elective). he could drop it to save himself from the f but he hadn’t gotten your number by the drop date so he stuck it out hoping for a d 🤕 ( _you_ got the d and he managed a c- with your help. and yes he did succeed in getting your number 🙄)

 **iwaizumi** : in elementary school when he walked by you, he would pretend to chew gum and crack his knuckles cause he thought he’d look “cool” and impress you. jesus 😬😷

 **hanamaki** : it’s middle school and you’re the first girl he’s ever asked out. he decides ‘go big or go home’ and leaves a chalk outline of a body on your driveway, along with a (clearly fake) police report indicating he was _dying_ to go out with you. 🥶📉📉⚰️

 **matsukawa** : you went to the same highschool, but you only started dating after you got into uni. you tell him before your first date that you thought he looked cute in his highschool uniform (you had been looking at old pictures and through your yearbook). he thinks he really hit the jackpot 💘✨with you because in highschool, he was told that [his school uniform didn’t suit him](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fhaikyuu.fandom.com%2Fwiki%2FIssei_Matsukawa%23Trivia_.C2.A0&t=NmEzYzE3NGEwNTBjMmM2ZTYzMGI5ZGUzZjA1ZDI4ZTM4NzQzYjJjNCxhaG5GZVNOVw%3D%3D&b=t%3AKAOam45p6MnegL50Q3Cl4A&p=https%3A%2F%2Fstrawbericream.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F628259928349556736%2Fpretty-please-write-something-based-off-of-the&m=0&ts=1600138833) and that really hurt so he gets the _brilliant_ idea to rock up to pick you up in his full school uniform that barely fits him anymore. …sir, what the actual f- 🤐🆘

 **kuroo** : you crash your bike going down a paved road so he does the same to impress you (or to make you feel better, he really doesn’t understand it himself). both of you land in the ditch 😭

 **lev** : texts you in the middle of class asking if you would like to go out with him. the teacher calls him out and makes him read what he sent to you out loud 😩😢

 **bokuto** : he does something stupid for you every day!! but he loves your smile 🥺 and hearing you laugh 🥺 so it’s all worth it 🥰 (you love him too! making someone smile and laugh time after time is one of the most romantic things. you’re a very lucky lady!! 💕💗)

 **akaashi** : wrote a poem in a word document and emailed it to you 📧. copied and pasted one of those ‘professional email’ templates he found online too. just to spice it up a little, y’know 🤧

 **konoha** : a classic. he gives you a chocolate bar with the golden ticket✨asking to go out with him. unfortunately, you rip it up in the process of opening the chocolate bar because you didn’t see it tucked underneath the label 😞

 **daichi** : ate a whole orange, but unlike osamu, he couldn’t stomach the taste of the peel so he retches and vomits a little on the lunch table 🤢💔

 **hinata** : got on his bicycle and rode 18 miles to see you, his gf. you lived 28 miles away. his tire popped at 18 miles. (he’s the guy in the “my parents aren’t home” meme.) 😪

 **goshiki** : bought a game just so he could play with you, but didn’t know that your _boyfriend_ would be playing with him as well 🤕

 **futakuchi** : once pretended to be drunk and flirted with your best friend to try and make you jealous 🤢 he wanted to make you think he was cool but instead he makes you think he’s an ass. kenji….😰

 **terushima** : made a mixtape. but it’s of _him_ singing cheesy love songs 😬 he’s not a very good singer and has no idea why he thought it was a good idea 🙃

 **sachiro** : middle school and he… does nothing. he’s basically head over heels for you, who is also clearly very interested in him, but his anxiety and low self-esteem prevent him from acting on the clearly displayed interest you had in him 😢💔💔

 **hoshiumi** : tried to jump through a swing. the plan was to go headfirst through, do a somersault on the other side, and look super cool ✨. smokes his face on the wooden seat 😵🤕 someone makes a joke that he looked like a badminton birdie getting hit 💀😭😭

 **gao** : in elementary school, he had a huge crush on you. asked you out on the playground but you say “no”, so out of sadness he climbs up a tree and goes, “if you don’t say yes, i’m gonna jump 💔” you still say no ❤️ he jumps and twists his ankle 💀💀💀


	8. hq boys as community disservices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on this reddit thread: [you accidentally put in an hour more community service than needed, now you have to do 1 hour of community disservice. what do you do?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jgajoc/you_accidentally_put_in_an_hour_more_community/?sort=top) some are original.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmfaooo tysm to everyone who's leaving comments and kudos ahksjdhasd

**suna** gets a good parking place at a busy store and acts like he's about to leave, but doesn't.

 **ushijima, sakusa** close doors before the person behind them can get in. 

  * **osamu** does this too but only after the person speeds up, noticing that he's holding the door for them, just to close it right in their face.
  * **hoshiumi** does all of the above making direct eye contact. 



**sugawara** gives all the kids in the neighbourhood loud noise-making devices like whistles or kazoos.

 **hanamaki** picks things off the shelf at grocery stores, walks around for a bit, changes his mind about the item and then leaves it sitting wherever.

  * **atsumu** does this but leaves items that are supposed to be in a fridge/freezer somewhere on the other side of the store. 



**akaashi** gets three chickens from somewhere and leaves them in a giant department store after labeling them with numbers 1,2 and 4. then watches as they try to find 3. 

**yaku** leaves notes on random cars saying "sorry i scratched your car" with no contact info but a sad face :(. 

**matsukawa** watches anime on the bus/train without earphones in. 

  * **bokuto** does the same with pop music and vines. he laughs loudly too and shows the passengers next to him (shoves his phone into their faces and points to the screen). 



**tendou** puts vaseline on every door handle he finds and watches as people cringe with the thought of what it could be when they touch it.

 **terushima** wipes gym equipment down after his workout, but what's in his spray bottle is sprite.

 **oikawa** only decides what he wants to eat when he gets up front of a long line at a fast food place. does the obnoxious hums too.

 **kuroo** [goes to a bookstore and buys a where's waldo? book](https://twitter.com/iatemuggles/status/1227655034147688448?s=20). goes home, scans each page and digitally removes waldo from every one of the book’s pictures. then he prints each waldo-less photo, lines them up with the book and glues them down, blending them in as seamless as he can. returns the book when he's done to torture the next purchaser.


	9. as "don't tell your mom" moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from [fathers of reddit, in honor of father’s day, what was your “don’t tell your mother about this” moment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/hdc46c/fathers_of_reddit_in_honor_of_fathers_day_what/?sort=top)?

**bokuto**  
your daughter's two and he occasionally sneaks her chocolates and says, “don’t tell mummy,” but she immediately runs to you and proudly shows them off every time. 

**akaashi**  
one night, he's enjoying some ice cream after your four year old daughter went to bed. she comes downstairs and 'catches' him so he offers her a small bite. but since she was supposed to be in bed, he says, "don't tell mom." she assures him she wouldn't, "okay, papa! pwomise!!" after she goes up to bed and he's down on the couch, she sneaks in to the master bedroom where you're resting and tells you he had let her have some ice cream and that she's afraid of "sugar bugs" so could she please brush her teeth again. you just laugh at him the next day, finding it funny how your daughter ratted him out just to brush her teeth, something she wasn't very fond of doing anyways. 

**konoha**  
one night when your son's about 8, when he's in bed, akinori's playing a video game. they had both been playing it but got stuck. akinori finally finds a secret passage, pauses the game, and goes upstairs to wake your son up. he tells him he's figured out where they were stuck, "sneaks" your son downstairs in a blanket (you knew what they were doing lol). they stay up after midnight on a school night, hiding under a blanket, to see where the hidden passage went. 

**kuroo  
** your kid pretends to be sick so he doesn't have to go to school. he convinces you and once you're out of the house for work, he goes down the stairs and sees his dad making a coffee. he asks him what he's doing and why he isn't at work. kuroo says, "i could ask you the same." they stand in silence for a moment before he continues, "i won’t tell your mum if you don't." they spend their day off together. 

**kenma**  
when your oldest is in middle school, he gradually buys computers and monitors for the kids (kuroo's kids come over after school sometimes) and himself. they'd all game together and always log off one hour before you got home. they rush all the chores in that one hour: teamwork at its finest.

 **daichi  
** he's putting new roof shingles on. your son's asks if he could help. he jokingly says that if he could climb the ladder, sure. so your son climbs right on up and starts handing him shingles. you find out, coming home just as daichi helps your son down from the ladder. 

**sugawara**  
most fridays, he works late with club supervision and extra grading so he buys the really unhealthy, but heavenly delicious takeout each night. your kids would stay up and watch movies with all the swear words in it while they shared the food with him. 

**kita**  
your kids are wrapping christmas presents with him. when they get to yours, your youngest asks if it's a surprise. he tells her so and when she sees you, she runs up to you and says, "mummy, we got you a pwesent, it's not [the gift]!!" the two of you look at each other and laugh. 

**osamu**  
when your 3 year old wakes up in the middle of the night, a couple times a month, instead of putting her back to sleep, he lets her stay up and do whatever it is he's doing no matter what. sometimes she falls asleep in minutes and sometimes she stays up for a couple hours. he loves it, and she does too. she's painted with him, heard books read aloud, watched movies and even baked sweets. 


	10. as gamer boyfriend things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wholesome scenarios i was thinking about at 3am the night before my final 😝🎮 i use the term "gamer" pretty loosely here.

**kenma** loves to carry you through a decent bit (a lot) of the more difficult content. he loves your surprised reactions to the amount of damage his characters do and the excitement in your voice when you get the rewards afterwards. 

**osamu, semi** when you want to cuddle while he's gaming, he gives you a pair of noise-cancelling earphones and lets you fall asleep on his chest. leaves kisses on your forehead and temple from time to time and thinks you look so cute and soft.

 **suna** has your selfies or photos of you as the background desktop wallpapers of his dual monitors. isn't shy about letting people know who it is, "oh that's just (y/n)," and doesn't bother hiding it. 

**hanamaki, konoha** really, really want to have matching gaming set-ups with you one day. the chairs, keyboards, monitors, everything. but for now, you sitting in his lap and playing together are more than enough. 

**kuroo, tendou** love seeing your characters run around together when you play in co-op mode. it gets him all giddy inside seeing the two of them side by side. unconsciously makes his character stand really close to yours. 

**tsukishima** whales on his own accounts and will whale for you too. relationships are 50/50 after all.

 **futakuchi** calls you his little pogchamp. eats his words when you buy matching pepe sweaters for the two of you, but grows to really like how soft it is. he finds himself getting a little sappy when he sees you in it.

 **atsumu** always has to be on your team when you play co-op together (and suna's because suna's just that good). starts makeout sessions with you when everyone else is talking strategy. 

when you first started gaming with him, **akaashi and hirugami** always bought a ton of junk food for your sessions. he slowly starts replacing them with healthier alternatives and even homecooked snacks when he hears you complaining about recently feeling bloated and icky in general.


End file.
